Work Friends

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
-Anais Nin

For those of us that like to reach out, and explore new worlds, new friends catalyze the journey.

But a Gallup Poll survey noted that 38 percent of respondents said they met most of their friends at work. That's not surprising, considering how much time we spend at the office. It's just natural that we'd build friendships where we spend our time. In college, we had many options. Changing classes frequently, having peer groups like frats or clubs, going to parties...it was like a revolving door of potential friends. But after college, what then?

Look at my girlfriend. She works with 19 people for 9 hours a day. So there's 19 potential friends. The only place to meet other people, at least the only other thing she does, would be go to bars. How's that working out for her? Zero new friends acquired through bars. That's probably not a shock to anyone, even to her. She knows bars are a place you go to with friends.

I remember calculating one day that my business partner Julie spent more hours per day with me than with her husband. And I remember when, one week, we worked late Wednesday, Thursday and Friday...and thinking, minus the sex, we have a stronger relationship than she has at home. Her marriage ended badly. Turned out sex for her wasn't happening anywhere. Not so for him. But I digress.

My own work experience is different than my girlfriend's. I'm actively avoiding making real friends at work, for personal reasons. And even if I weren't, the office where I work has not yet inspired any new friendships, although everyone gets along great at work. I'm single. Most of the rest of the office is not. The end.

So what other avenues are there? A quick survey of anyone within shouting distance of my instant message client posted these results: Clubs, like running, riding, biking, drinking, chess. Church. And Workshops.

And the number one place to meet new friends and start new journeys, according to my impromptu poll? Continuing education. No surprise there, college still works for having the most options. And unlike work, we are not meeting people mostly stuck, grinding through the day to get that paycheck, clockwatching their mid-afternoon away. At college, we meet people trying to get somewhere new, somewhere different, some place they have never been before. And if they share our classroom or major, a giant filter for "common interests" has already been applied. They are pre-qualified candidates. All that remains is for us to discover enough about them to want to keep discovering them.

Not fast enough

Technological development quickens not only most of the things we do, but also itself. It's a great feedback loop unto it self, a self-fulfilling prophecy. But this doesn't really do anything for those of us who are too impatient to wait.

But today I'm wondering just where it is I have been trying to go.